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I don't love u anymore
Friday, Sept. 22, 2006
11:33 a.m.

I don't love him anymore. It just happened like that, when I woke up that morning. He has changed and the new him puts me off. Though he claims that he loves me, there is nothing abt me in all his plans. So how can he love me?

It's a good thing I met up with him else I'll be still clinging onto the hope that we'll be still together. We won't be together. So I ended up back to the same loop again, angry that I was deceived by him. He's a jerk & still acting as though he has a conscience by sms me that he's feeling very depressed over what happened to me.

I don't care abt how he feels, he's just putting on an act to make others and himself feel noble. So when he said he doesn't love me anymore, my only reaction is that I know it before he speaks it and that I don't love him too. However, I can't let go of the past and I can't forgive him. I'm sure all these words have no impact on him, because he has no conscience.

I no longer believe that marriage will give me happiness. I no longer believe in true love. I'll live alone, die alone. I don't want anyone with me. There's no love in my family either. My shrink asked me to make a 3 yr plan and I told him I did and it's gone. I wanted to study for a degree but now I don't want to. I don't want my mother to use the money as a bargaining chip. She always does that. No gifts from her comes withput terms attached.

Baby zai told my cousin that my brother could be very good in his studies but it's because of my mom. He turned rebellious so unlike me, he doesn't suffer from depression. He has an outlet for his anger. For me, I'm a passive person so I take the anger out on myself. I don't think I has forgiven her yet because I still feel that she has ruined my life when she brought me to dancing, where Dan bullied me and it's in dance that I met that jerk. My life was spiralling down ever since I entered dancing.

Does the medals I won mean anything? No. Those are her prize, not mine. I do not desire it. So I threw all my medals away. As for that jerk, I do not love him anymore so I shan't think of him anymore. I might throw the things he has given me away or just sent back to him. The jacket, I will give it away to the Salvation Army.