Little bits of life
Little bits of life
Little bits of life
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Wei & I can hardly wait to play this.  The only thing stopping us from playing this is the server downtime. I'm crossing my fingers, hoping that the downtime won't occur at those after work hours. Else, it'll be pretty stupid to be paying for a game which is down from 8pm-11pm. If all goes well as planned, I will be taking the wood elf as my race and a bard as my class.I'm very interested to have diplomacy as my profession. Wei? He'll be taking an asian human race with Dread Knight as his class. Profession is blacksmith. This means, I don't have to buy any weapons in the future! This is so exciting! (0) Comments so far
HER DIARY I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to DO with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later, he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. HIS DIARY Today Manchester United lost to Arsenal. Shit. ________________________________________ LOL. This scenario is so familiar. Usually Wei will give me a goodbye kiss before he goes to work but yesterday, he left without giving me one. I thought he was still cross with me & like a little child, I cried. Good thing is that after crying, I emailed him regarding the squabbles we've been having & he called me up to apologise. He's such a nice boy. For most people, apologising SINCERELY to another is the hardest thing to do. Wei apologised without defending himself. I like that. And with apologies, all is forgiven. Oh yeah, he explained that he woke up late for work so was in a hurry. That is why he didn't give me the routine goodbye kiss. This morning, he made sure I was properly kissed. (0) Comments so far
Charles Bukowski once wrote; 'There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You're always ripe and ready to be taken.� It didn�t begin last night or the day before. It began somewhere before that but I didn�t make a fuss over it. In all relationships, it�s an expected process. That you start to know each other real good and proper, facing issues & disagreements together. That should still sound good, right? Facing things together. Well, the problem is this: I�m experiencing lethargic-ness. In the past, I would confront issues, hoping to gain understanding and work things out with my mom, bosses or the other halves. The unfortunate thing that I always experience is that that often, these parties will adopt this �You listen & just follow� or �I�m always right� approach. As time goes by, little by little, bit by bit, they�ve managed to kill a big part of me. Now, I�ve grown used to closing my eyes and let things be, accepting the fact that things are so and adapt to it. When all else fail, I�ll turn to my bed, flop on it and lie dead. I�m serious. That�s how I function these days. When I can�t cope with unhappy stuff, my body just reacts. I�ll become extremely drowsy & then sleep things away. It�s escapism but it works. So what�s wrong with this method? I�ve enough of the ugliness in this world. Just let me live in this bubble I�ve created for myself & let me be. Just let me be. I�m tired. I�m going back to bed again.
I know..this new template is disgustingly yellow but hell�it speaks of the current phase of my life�that I WANT TO BE DISGUSTINGLY HAPPY. Goodnight & good morning my dear! 
Haven�t been blogging much these days as there isn�t much drama in my life � which is a blessing. No drama, no heart wrenching tears. During these days, I�ve grown to accept who I am. I don�t have to put on a brave front in front of others and follow the trend of being a 20th century superwoman. I accept the fact that I�m not perfect. From time to time,I do get upset & cry but I'll bounce back to life after having a nice nap. The past has become a faint memory to me. With a new year comes new beginnings. I�m walking into the light, smelling the freshness. Though I do come back home, I do not linger. My mom brings back the past to me. Sometimes she�ll ask if I�m still in contact with Ro� she�ll talk abt dancing � something which I hate. If not for her insistence that I learn dancing�I wouldn�t be involved with the complicated people there & be scarred by some jerks. I would still have lived a na�ve life of a simpleton. Past being past. I just want to start a new life, my way, my style & in sync with Wei. I admit that some days we disappoint each other but I guess that�s relationships. Sometimes we may ask, �Why do relationships have to be so hard?� The answer is this : Because the only thing harder is to be alone. And just so you know, the only thing I really want is to see Wei laugh. You know, hear him sing off-key. Watch him roll his eyes at me when I have sauce all over my face when I eat. See that twinkle in his eye when he�s playing a prank on me�I guess what I�m trying to say is� I�m crazy for him.
While we were in Ikea shopping, Wei surprised me with this.  Material stuff aside, Wei has done certain things to make me feel I'm family, making a point to have me included in his activities. Like the fact that he insists that I join his family for family stuff such as visiting one of the church sisters in the hospital..shopping in Ikea or family meals. Had a short chat with mom over the phone & the conclusion is that I won't be coming home anytime soon. I'm running from reality, from dealing with my family but hell...I've enough of dealing with them.I just want to find myself, be myself & explore possibilities without a noose over my neck. I've stopped medication for 2 mths & so far things are looking up. Nighmares have ceased since the day I decided not to return home anymore. I want to start a new life, I don't want to have the past haunting me. I'm already scarred by my past. I just want to build a new life. I'm sorry if shunning my mother hurts her but hell, seeing her, talking to her reminds me of so much hurts...if possible...I don't want to see her again. (0) Comments so far |
